Emotional Numbing After War: Why You Can’t Feel Like You Used To
When you’ve spent months or years in survival mode, it makes sense that your body doesn’t just snap back to “normal.”
You might look fine on the outside — working, laughing with family, showing up when you’re supposed to — but inside, it can feel like someone turned the volume down on life.
You’re there, but not really there.
You love your partner or kids, but the connection feels muted.
You want to care about things that once mattered, but it’s like the switch won’t flip back on.
This is what therapists often call emotional numbing, and for many veterans, it’s one of the hardest parts of coming home.
What Emotional Numbing After War Really Is
Emotional numbing isn’t a weakness. It’s not a sign that you don’t care or that you’re “broken.” It’s your brain and body doing exactly what they were trained to do — survive.
In combat, emotions like fear, sadness, and grief could get in the way of functioning. When you needed to act fast, there wasn’t room to feel. So your brain learned how to shut those feelings down to keep you focused.
You became efficient, alert, and steady — all things that made you a strong soldier. But the same system that helped you stay alive doesn’t know how to “turn off” once the danger passes.
Many veterans describe it like living behind glass — you can see your life happening, but you can’t touch it. Others say it’s like running on autopilot, doing what needs to be done but never really feeling anything about it.
You might notice things like:
Feeling disconnected or detached from loved ones
Struggling to cry, even when you want to
Avoiding emotional conversations or situations that might bring up pain
Using work, alcohol, or busyness to avoid feeling
Feeling “off,” empty, or distant but unable to name why
These aren’t personal failures. They’re protective responses from a body that adapted to chronic wartime exposure.
Why You Can’t Feel Like You Used To
One of the hardest parts about emotional numbing is that it often comes from the same traits that made you capable and strong in uniform.
You learned to push through pain. You learned to stay calm under pressure. You learned to compartmentalize and get the job done no matter what.
Those skills saved lives. But over time, that same armor that kept you alive can start to feel heavy — especially when you’re trying to be present in a world that no longer runs on survival mode.
You might notice that even when things are good — a family dinner, a quiet morning, a hug from someone you love — it’s hard to take it in. The body that once kept you alive in chaos doesn’t yet know how to relax into peace.
That’s not something you can willpower your way out of. Emotional numbing isn’t a character flaw or lack of effort. It’s the nervous system trying to keep you safe — still operating from rules it learned in war.
What’s Really Happening in the Body
When you’ve lived through prolonged stress or trauma, your nervous system becomes finely tuned to danger. It learns to stay hyper-alert — ready for threat, ready to act.
But feeling requires safety. It’s impossible to feel deeply when your body is still scanning for danger, even subconsciously.
So, your brain does the most logical thing it can: it shuts off the emotional volume knob to protect you from overwhelm. The problem is, it turns down all the emotions — not just the painful ones.
You stop feeling grief, but you also stop feeling joy. You block out fear, but you also block connection. It’s not selective. It’s a full-system shutdown that kept you alive once but now leaves you feeling disconnected from your own life.
What Healing Can Look Like
Healing emotional numbing after war takes patience, safety, and a willingness to rebuild trust with your own body.
That’s where trauma-focused therapies — like EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) — can be so powerful.
EMDR doesn’t force you to relive the past. Instead, it helps your brain process memories that got “stuck” in survival mode. Through guided eye movements or bilateral stimulation, your system begins to understand that the danger is no longer here — it’s there, in the past.
Many veterans describe it as it's like their body finally connects to being home.
In therapy, we work gently — helping you notice small signs of life returning:
The first time you laugh without feeling tense
The first time you actually feel sadness instead of shutting it off
The first time you realize you’re no longer watching life from a distance
Healing isn’t linear. Some days, you might feel more. Other days, you might shut down again. That’s all part of recovery — your system learning that it’s safe to move between feeling and rest without shutting down completely.
What You Can Try Right Now
While therapy is an important step, there are also small things you can start doing to reconnect with your emotions safely:
Grounded in the present: Notice your surroundings. Feel your feet on the floor, take a deep breath, or look around the room and name what you see.
Connect with others, even quietly: You don’t have to talk about everything. Just being near someone safe — a partner, a friend, a pet — helps your body remember connection.
Notice small sensations: Warm water, the sound of rain, the weight of your dog’s head on your lap. These small details remind your system that it’s safe enough to be in your body.
Be patient with yourself: You spent years training your system to survive. It takes time to teach it how to feel again, safely.
Each of these small steps is part of the work — a gentle way of coming home to yourself.
You’re Not Broken — You’re Protecting Yourself
If you’ve been wondering why you can’t feel like you used to, or why peace still feels out of reach even when you’re safe, you’re not broken. You’re healing from something your body still remembers.
This is what trauma does: it changes how your system experiences the world. But with the right kind of help, that can change again.
You can learn to live in a body that doesn’t need to stay armored all the time. You can begin to feel joy, grief, love, and connection again — not all at once, but gradually, as safety returns.
Finding Support at Rose on Rainier
At Rose on Rainier, we specialize in helping veterans and trauma survivors reconnect with their emotions and their lives through trauma therapy and EMDR.
You don’t have to face emotional numbness alone, and you don’t have to choose between staying tough and feeling again. There’s a middle ground — one where you can honor your strength and reclaim your humanity.
You’ve already done the hardest part: surviving. Now it’s time to start living again.
If you’re ready to start feeling again — slowly, safely, and on your own terms — reach out today. We’re here to help you come home to yourself, one step at a time.
Dr. Bartel specializes in combat trauma and PTSD treatment for military service members, veterans, and their spouses and families. She provides in-person therapy in Colorado Springs and telehealth services across 42+ states.
