Couples Therapy
for Military & First Responders

in Colorado Springs, CO
and virtually in 42+ states

Whether it's been months or years since you felt connected, you may find yourselves in frequent conflict, tired of hearing that one of you is "always grumpy" or "never present," feeling like strangers in your own home. Maybe you're worried you've lost what you had, or hopeless that you can have a fulfilling and fair relationship.

If people only understood what you're each actually dealing with - the nightmares, the hypervigilance, the broken trust, the weight of service, the emotional labor, the resentment - they might appreciate how much effort it takes just to function every day.

This therapy helps you navigate the unique challenges of loving, and being, someone whose job involves life and death, secrecy, and chronic performance at extreme limits. You both feel exhausted, misunderstood, and stuck in negative cycles of hurt and anger.

You have loved them enough to stay, but you wonder if leaving is the only way left to love yourself.

You don’t want to leave your relationship, but you can’t stay in this one.

Note: Language reflects traditional heterosexual relationships that may not apply. All couples are welcome.
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Couples Therapy
is for you if:

You're tired of being told "all marriages have challenges." Yes, but few come with the sprinkles of vicarious trauma, PTSD, TBI, shame, numbness, secrecy, and even competition with the "brotherhood" that these careers involve. Traditional couples therapy may not have worked for you, or not enough.

One of you has become the family's emotional manager. You regulate everyone's emotions, manage the household during deployments or shifts, and somehow you're both supposed to navigate his inability to access feelings while she's exhausted from carrying the emotional load for everyone while inside visualizing rage-quitting.

You feel like you're both walking on eggshells. His hypervigilance means sudden movements, loud noises, or even crowded spaces can trigger responses that affect the whole family. It's exhausting keeping the kids quiet, the house peaceful, and yourselves ready to mitigate the next conflict between you.

The person you each fell in love with feels unreachable. He can lead teams, make life-or-death decisions, and perform under extreme pressure, but he's annoyed whenever she wants to have emotional conversation about... anything. She knows her loving, vulnerable best friend is in there, but hasn't seen him in a while and really misses him. He wants to connect but doesn't know how to bridge the gap between his work self and home self.

The brotherhood bonds compete with your marriage. You understand their bond was forged under fire, but it stings when he's more comfortable being vulnerable with his teammates than with his wife. She wants to honor those relationships without feeling like she's always coming in second place. He doesn't know how to explain why those bonds feel so essential.

Everyone expects you both to just figure it out. The military or first responder community sees you as the "hero family," but you're both human. You both have bad days, anxiety, and your own struggles, and feel guilty when your relationship problems seem to detract from his job or her support role.

You're both carrying trauma you didn't sign up for. He absorbs the stress of life-or-death work. She absorbs his stress, worries through every deployment or dangerous shift, and lives with constant awareness that the person she loves most could die at work. At some point, you both changed. You need help processing how his work trauma became relationship trauma.

You know this life, and this marriage, is different.
You need support from someone who gets it.

Strong in Love, Recommitted to Trust

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I'm Dr. Alisa Bartel, and I understand your reality because I've lived it.

As the wife of a Purple Heart combat veteran and stepdaughter to a Green Beret, I know what it's like to love someone whose identity was forged in life-or-death situations, and I know the unique challenges that creates for both partners in a relationship.

I offer couples therapy because you both deserve more than being told to "be patient," "communicate better," or "understand what he's been through." You need someone who gets that your relationship challenges aren't about poor communication skills but integrating two different worlds that feel so far apart right now.

Using my specialized training, personal experience, and evidence-based approaches adapted for military and first responder couples, we can address how professional demands affect your relationship, help you both develop skills that work with your unique situation, and give you tools for creating the partnership you both deserve.

My approach isn't to make you "better spouses" but to help you stay connected while honoring the demands of service and the needs of your relationship.

So how can therapy help?

The process is like learning to operate as a team: we start by understanding each person's training, identifying miscommunications, and establishing shared mission objectives. Over time, we shift from "figuring out the problems" to "executing effective strategies," as you both gain more skills and alignment around your relationship goals.

This is achieved through relationship approaches adapted for military and first responder couples, communication training that works with different emotional processing styles, and tools for managing the unique stressors of mortality-exposed professions. You will leave sessions with specific strategies to practice, exercises designed for your lifestyle, and ways to implement changes despite demanding schedules.

Couples therapy is a beautiful mix of compassion and challenge. I meet you both with warmth and empathy for your unique situation, while also pushing your edges of growth in connection and communication.

Trauma-exposed careers require trauma-specific care.

We explore trauma-related themes as they relate to your selves and in your relationship. We discuss the challenges that PTSD, TBI, and other career-related intrusions have had on your bond, and identify actionable changes we can take to build toward a repaired, connected, and fulfilling relationship.

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    Power & Control

    Solve problems and meet challenges

  • Field of tall, green wheat with scattered orange poppies against an overcast sky.

    Intimacy

    Meeting emotional needs of yourself and others

  • A lush green meadow with wildflowers, surrounded by forested mountains under a partly cloudy sky.

    Trust

    In your judgment, intuition, and decision-making

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    Esteem

    Your own worth and capabilities

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    Safety

    Protect yourself from harm

  • Loyalty

    Navigating team bonds and marriage

  • Identity

    Maintaining individual selves while building couple identity

  • Emotions

    Reframing their purpose, usefulness, and necessity

  • Communicate

    Bridging tactical and emotional communication styles

  • Integrate

    Balancing professional excellence with relational connection

A thriving relationship is possible, and it doesn't require choosing between service and love.

Now let's face each other instead of the world and rebuild the bond that nothing can break.

  • Step 1

    Strategic Planning Session (Free 20-minute consultation)

    We'll discuss your specific background, current challenges, and goals to determine if Couples Therapy is the right approach for your situation right now.

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  • Step 2

    Mission Briefing (90-minute Intake Session)

    We'll complete questionnaires, map out your objectives, identify primary areas for change, and develop a layered plan for treatment. You'll receive a preparation workbook designed specifically for warriors.

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  • Step 3

    Intensive Therapy Sessions

    This is where the real work happens: 3-6 hours of focused, uninterrupted therapy time. We'll use evidence-based approaches to process themes including loss, killing, human depravity, violence, trust, intimacy, and more.

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  • Step 4

    After Action Review (90-minute Follow-up)

    We'll assess progress toward your objectives, consolidate gains, and develop a plan for maintaining and building on the work we've accomplished.

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Schedule Consult